he reaches to hold my hand and brushes past the scars left by someone else, reminding me that i ought not so easily let someone hold my hand.
i apologize and he says he understands, saying that we all have been hurt and it makes us careful.
i am at a loss of words…and at a loss of what to do next. what do i do now?
i said i like him, he said he loves me. i wanted him to like me, and when he finally starts to and does, i don’t want him to anymore because i don’t want him to get hurt. and it makes me wonder, maybe i really really like him too, coz when we love someone, we don’t want them to get hurt…or maybe i’m just really considerate? or really afraid coz even without him in the picture, it’s hard to choose already what to do next.
it was so easy during highschool. you have a crush. they have the same crush. you become bf-gf. that’s the happy ending.
but as you get older, this is no game anymore. it gets serious. people are beginning to think of the future, and we have to select the person with whom to build that future with. we make choices that go in sync with that person’s plans. like i said, everything gets serious, and even…crucial.
but no pressure, no pressure at all. there’s one hand that is more than comfortable to hold, and it is my Heavenly Father’s.
hmm..i used to sound like that. haha.
but now i think i’ve changed. i used to be so careful (sometimes even bordering on cynicism just to shield myself from the dangers of falling in love) because i was so afraid of being wrong in making those “crucial” decisions. but in my case, i was too careful, too concerned about avoiding hurt…i didn’t give a chance to feel what i truly felt…and in the end i found myself getting hurt anyway.
it’s like, if we love, we run the risk of getting hurt–as they say, once you open your heart, “love and rejection can go in the same way.” but if we don’t take that risk, if we don’t love, in the end we get hurt by default anyway.
so the next time love touches my life, maybe i’ll be less of that careful person i used to be. let it be a highschool romance if it will. i’ve tried to understand what love is all about, but i realized that there’s no point trying to. love is a feeling, and sometimes reason becomes the obstacle to what could’ve been a happy ending. =)
i used to be like that too, sister-in-ink. i’m like that a bit still. haay. that’s the prob with getting hurt ng bonggang-bongga–it makes us careful; really careful.
salamat sa wise words. :)
okay lang na ang highschool romance…a highschool-romance-like feeling, but the maturity of adults. remember katy perry’s “teenage dream” (search Boyce Avenue’s version, it’s sweeter and less suggestive…actually, it isn’t suggestive at all. hehe (here’s a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAUMU3QQE6w)
may tama ka…there’s no use trying to understand love. let us love like we’re indestructible. ^^ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQyFa-ZNPPo …weird ang arrangement pero nami ang lyrics hehe)
weeee, thanks for the links, sis! will check it out. ;D