boy and girl talking, breaking up.
boy: i need to some time alone. i need to get away first.
girl: how long? so we’re not talking at all?
boy: don’t worry. if you need me, i’ll be there for you. if you have a problem, i’ll help.
girl: what if the problem is you not being there?
WAPAK.
[2 tumblr 1-minute posts.]
it’s not that i don’t know what i want. i’m just not sure in what order i want it, simply because i’m not sure in what order i’m supposed to want it (and have it).
iwannascreamnowpleasethankyou.
if we will never be, it will be because neither of us was brave enough to fight, because we were too busy waiting and hoping for the other party to declare war — the hard thing that we didn’t have the nerve to do ourselves.
justathoughtugh.
now that seriously made me laugh. LOL. it sounds kinda funny, put like that. :))
my inbox is filled with your text messages…
cause my heart is filled with you.
lol sino guilty? :p
[opinionated rant]
i don’t even know if such a word exists.
haay i just don’t know seeing where we all are and where we’re all going (or rather, the majority of us), is saddening. or not that…no. that assumption would be utterly hope-draining. no, no, not that. but what is saddening, is that the future is so blurry. there is no sure-path clad to professional success. that’s what i find depressing. and what i find more depressing that many of them, while now working in our field, may eventually, out of lack for finances and opportunities and drained willpower and determination, go to where i am now.
yes, i am a call center agent.
the job i hated, hated, hated. coz it’s…a sad place where nurses go to when they can’t find a nursing job in this country which is in dire need of so many professionals, but which can’t afford to pay a good pay, or in many cases, any pay at all, to the people it needs.
i always knew that the country needs teachers. i mean, in terms of birth rate, the Philippines is the boon of fertility. i once told my friends jokingly that if one day, the government would indeed impose something as freedom-of-choice-restricting and controlling as what some countries already do in terms of allowable children per couple, and if my future husband and i plan, and can care for, a number of children that exceed the government’s standard, i’d move to a country with a minute birth rate. all those philosophers are right: it’s not the lack of resources in this world. it’s just the unequal distribution of it.
anyway, about the teachers. i just didn’t know that teachers’ pay gets delayed, sometimes by 12 months. a whole year of debt, just to get through? like, HELLO??
and talking with my cousin and her friends (all teachers by profession), there’s volunteer work for teachers now too, now with the 12-K? just the same with nursing hopefuls: “coz maybe, we’d get hired and absorbed after a while”? omg. yun lang.
anyway, going back…why am i working the job i hate?
coz sometimes, we do the things we hate because of love.
i have plans in life i decided to comply to, because i won’t be in my early twenties all my life,. one day, i’ll be old and all the people who would make me think twice about my decisions won’t be around me anymore. no. one day, i’ll be old, and looking back on my life. my family will be around me, some of them perhaps asking why i did some things, and why i didn’t do some. what will i tell them when they ask why i didn’t do some of the best things to do, and instead did that what is merely good?
i know it’s my life. thanks for those who reminded me. every action has its consequences, so i’ll face whatever i’ll face to face with my choices. i know i’ll have Help though. :)
[rant]
“i can’t believe you” [eng] phrase:
1. you are the person that i can not believe.
2. like COME ON, how could you be like that??
don’t get upset when i called you for what you are. threaten to hit me, fine. at least i got hit for uttering the truth.
what really ticks me off lately is that there are so many snakes around. i always knew i couldn’t entrust some secrets to you.
oh just shut up. especially what assumptions you tell others. why are people so closed-minded sometimes?
“they are here” — observation. this is what you should have said, so that you wouldn’t have added fuel to the fire. coz the thing is, she said the exact same idea you planted into her head:
“they are here because you’re not here” — ASSUMPTION. where’s the truth in that?
i should put my case to rest, coz there are some people with whom it’s just no good reasoning. you just burn calories and cause your spit to evaporate, all for nothing. you just end up with you started, or worse, even more far behind. that’s why SERIOUSLY, now: i’ll just shut up. that’s my resolution. i will not care. because sometimes, there are just some people who aren’t worth getting worked up over ; or thinking of at all. i should try to eliminate those kinds of persons from my system. like the Vaseline commercial:
Germs out, Nutrients in.
i always knew that when someone you love says your name, it’s like music to the ears.
now i’ve come to realize that it’s the other way around too…your name is like a song i’d love to sing.
shucks! waaah ganito ako ka-corny kapag…
wahehe. toinx~!
each person is a song and the name is the song title. God is the composer; and we are the co-composers…He made the melody, we make the lyrics. which makes perfect sense, coz as the lyrics change, sometimes the song title needs to be changed. (sa maka-gets, apir! it means pareho tayong wavelength hahaha we’re so smart xD)
me: “loneliness is like a rose prick.”
“With that thorn comes all the loveliness of the rose. I once read a book entitled Through The Wilderness Of Loneliness” – soulfriend ^^
thank you for existing ^^ for coming and staying. i love you soulfriend! ^^
[a poem i wrote during the nesting training session...]
a moon, no moon, and thirty days
i stared at the wall and froze alive
and wondered when the sun would rise
among the folk of Asian eyes
i saw the ocean and surprised
with dawning wit i realized
i’m just a drop among the sea
would the tide really care for me?
the tides came, overflowed the shore
can the seawall hold this some more?
before upon the waves i sway
let go of my hold, and ebb away..
[yes i was bored...and i wonder where this is going. feels like a waste of time and brain cells...i keep on forgetting stuff without applying it]
i wonder where you are while i am silently and slowly falling in love, more and more.
ouchies! hahahaha. nasaan ka?
all this time i wanted to fall in love, and now that it’s happening, i’m not sure i’m prepared. but who is ever prepared to fall in love when it’s unplanned and sudden and unexpected?
tartar sauce. hahaha :))
update:
kanami pamati-an. tuod man ayhan?
[it sounds so nice. can it be true, too?]
i created a tumblr…despite the fact that i don’t even understand how the thing works. hahaha. actually, i used to run away screaming from tumblr…but now, i created my own account (ennovyrose.tumblr.com of course ^^). it’s all your fault, soul friend! hahaha ^^’
the reason why i created tumblr, is for me to comment on her posts. the one that moved me to especially is this:
Maybe, you’re just scared because for once, someone actually wants to be with you.
ouch. i spent last night and this morning thinking and thinking and thinking...about you. grrrr. about everything and anything and what ifs and what nows. coz i’m not sure if i could take the pain of another long-distance relationship, albeit a real one this time. my self-preserving genes tell me to stop. those same genes also ironically tell me to hold on coz letting you go and perhaps seeing you with someone else also stings (ouch). which would sting worse? UGH. whatdoido. do i love you? question…what if i love you back? what then..? i wish you could answer that without me having to ask.
other than that, i’m a star. seriously. i’m at prime at night and asleep during day time. and i want to shine, despite darkness around me. star= So Totally Awesome Right? ahahaha
and btw i should be going kagina pa pero ari pa ko gyapon ga-internet. tsktsk! ~_~ that happens when you’ve got no time to go online…i haven’t been on many blogs but i thankfully visited my e-mail this time. rawr naman nitong schedule. ~_~ pero i’ll take that as long as i can go to Church. and next time i’ll be awake coz i won’t make the same mistakes again. huhuhu. napaka-estupido ko naman. follow the promptings hija!
haaay. i’m so glad he exists. at least i have someone to talk to. someone to keep me grounded…someone to remind me who i am, and where i want to go. maybe i love him too. maybe i love him too because he loves me for my potential (i think that’s what and that’s why). maybe…all i can say for sure is that i’m thankful. :)
